A tiny sample of the stupid things I've said

Quotes from my multivariable calculus class, fall 2001, courtesy of Katie Berry

"this is why I'm a mathematician and not an engineer"
"it gets horribly painful very fast"
"which is sort of a modern miracle"
"all I can tell you is don't mess it up. because then you'll get the wrong answer."
"I can take derivatives all day... and all night"
"you know... 6 instead of 9... you can't complain."
"if it's a cup opening up, we get a minimum. if it's a cup opening down we get a maximum. if we get a saddle, then we get a saddle."
"you can call it whatever you want, but DID HE HAVE A PICTURE OF A MONKEY?!"
"not math class... this is 'joyful thinking'"
"you can think of it as a plane kissing a sphere... or 2 spheres..."
"I hate to say this since this is a math class, but this is something relevant."

-"but I'l just make up a function, so we wont REALLY be going anything useful... so we'll be okay"

"lambda's gone. it does NOT make me joyful."
"because I'm SO lazy."
"now I broke the chalk myself"
"you get pretty sick of these pretty fast."
"I'm not a big fan of integrals in general. some people like them. I used to like them. now I'm old and bitter."
and then I can't go any farther, because I don't know where I am."
"please don't tell the dean." (after not returning exams 15 hours later)
"I've seen most of your monkeys!"
"I take it back... there are a few of you that can mock me."
"so that's a stupid example."
"my brother is an economist... I have issues."
"what I am writing makes no sense... but we can remember it this way."
"I need... a week off!"
"it is easy... but it's even easier NOT doing it... so why are we doing it?!"
"half an hour and then I'm on vacation... whaHOO!"
"I remember the first time they explained this to me... and I didn't get it. I remember the second time they explained this to me... and I didn't get it. Now I sort of get it. sort of. sometimes.
"and by little tiny, I mean infinitesimally small."
"what do I care about these little tiny paddle wheels?"
"what would we LIKE it to be, so we don't have to do any work? zero."
"WE HATE WORK!"
"even today, that's not zero." (referring to "4.")
"I knew what it is, I just haven't had enough to drink, so that's why I said it." (goes to water cup)
"well, that seems like a good place to stop. I can't beat that." (when the kid walked in...)
"there's no such thing as heightH. I've had professors say heightH. it's not a word!"
"so that's fairly stupid..."
"maybe I don't have a rectangular tent... maybe I have one of those cool round tents!"
"alright! one person's ready to learn! that's all I need!"
"it is in fact 'wacked'" ? "hasn't made it to textbooks yet"
"don't email me: 'I got the answer 42. is that right?"
"ok. whatever."
"yeah... we're gonna iterate."
"alright. z. CRAZY!"
"it's like a solid chunk of bowl."
"I walked into my class this morning and had this horrible flash ? is this the wrong day?"
"the joker got here before me."
"you can integrate that by parts or charts!"
"a good example of the miraculous power of the cross product."
"it IS like a party in here."
"perhaps it even gives us a torus.... mmmmm donut."
"it's like a jelly filled donut, but they suck the jelly out."
"that's NOT a good attitude."
"rats."
"I always sort of liked these. I don't really know why. I think it has to do with the name. I mean, it sounds pretty cool, like something out of star wars... I need that flux integral of my vector field."
"and I wanna catch some fishies."
"this is a little bit amazing."
"you guys... this is SO cool!"
"look what we get back!"
"square by which I mean cube."
"you can always think of this as fluid."
"I don't really pretend to understand this..."
"one of the crowning moments of human intellectual history."
"but this bit pleases me."
"yes... no... ?." "okay."
"if all I have is this boundary curve then WHO KNOWSS?!"
"no, no" "he puts his left foot in."
"and this is true... I tested it last night. though I didn't have a ducky."
"that's right! there's an episode of the simpsons about that!"
"if the universe turned out to be donut shaped..."
"I'm a mathematician, not an ENGLISHtician!"
"keep in mind this wouldn't be true if we were living on the planet of the donuts"
"I just keep picturing santa hats"
"if you're happy, I'm happy. I have NO idea what you're talking about."
"the fact that this is the only thing I can think of doesn't really qualify as a proof."
"it's not necessarily true that either of these is easy to compute, but at least you've learned a secret of the universe. which is some consolation."
"I can actually do this one in my head... since I'm a classically trained mathematician."
"we will divide and conquer!"
"this is how much I care about you... that I'm willing to humiliate myself in public."
"not that I'm not STILL bitter!"
"yeah, well I could say it's a Cadbury creme egg with the creme missing!"
"I hope these technical terms aren't too much for you"
"eeeew, there's gunk on my chalkboard! lousy engineers..."
"ha! ha! good one, registrar!"
"I, too, didn't always go to class... but I used to be smart back then, so it was OK."